When it comes to immortals, debut author Colin Gigl knows what he’s talking about. Trust us when we say that this is some free advice that you really shouldn’t pass up!
And if you think you’re ready to test the field, go check out THE FERRYMAN INSTITUTE, out now, especially if you like a bit of romance with your darkly humorous misadventures!
Hey everyone, Colin Gigl here, dropping in with a very important blog post that I hope will save you from some awkward situations. That’s right, I’m here to talk immortal strangers.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: you already know everything there is to know about immortals. I mean, who doesn’t, right? It’s a topic that’s talked about so frequently that it’s practically tattooed on our brains, right up there with “look both ways before you cross the street,” “stop, drop, and roll,” and “never, ever text after the seventh margarita.” But, as the author of the newly released book THE FERRYMAN INSTITUTE — a book that, completely coincidentally, happens to have a bunch of immortals in it — I thought now would be a great time to go over a few faux pas that might have flown under your radar when it comes to etiquette for the eternal. After all, it’s always good to be prepared for when Keanu Reeves eventually stops by.
1. Don’t discuss their fashion sense (or lack thereof)
Look, you never know how old an immortal truly is, but chances are the answer is “pretty friggin’ old.” That means the odds are good they somehow survived the sight of Vanilla Ice wearing star spangled parachute pants. Immortal or not, that’s impressive, and basically earns them a free pass for any of their styling missteps.
Unless, you know, they’re wearing star spangled parachute pants. In that case, please, PLEASE, save them from themselves.
2. Don’t tease them with old people jokes
Old people jokes aren’t funny. They’re even less funny when you tell them to an an ageless, everlasting individual. Just trust me on this one.
3. Don’t bring up politics
Politics can be a touchy subject among friends, let alone total strangers. Add hundreds if not thousands of years of history to that mix and you’ve got a potent recipe for disaster. So, unless you want to suffer through a diatribe that starts with, “See, the government’s been all downhill ever since that Brutus guy had a disagreement with Julius Caesar…” you should stay far, far away.
4. Don’t ask them what time it is
Ever have a friend bake you something, you try it, it’s horrible, and then they immediately ask you how it is? It’s not a fun question to have to answer.
Asking an immortal what time it is? It’s just like that.
5. Don’t read them your journal and/or poetry from that phase you went through in high school
Despite years of accumulated knowledge, they still won’t get how “deep” your writing was back then. Sorry.
6. Don’t try to kill them
You might think this is a fun idea, and sure, it’s not like they can die or anything so what’s the harm in it, but your mother would be extremely disappointed with how rude that is. Honestly, she raised you better than that. The only way you could possibly make that worse in her eyes is if you weren’t wearing clean underwear at the time, either. When was the last time you called her, anyway?
7. Don’t run away with one after he stopped you from committing suicide
…Well, unless you’re Alice Spiegel and you have Inspector Javrouche chasing you and that new immortal Ferryman you just met, Charlie Dawson…
Curious what happens if you are, in fact, Alice Spiegel? Then you should check out THE FERRYMAN INSTITUTE and read all about her doing just that (and committing a few more of these faux pas along the way).
So pick yourself up a copy of THE FERRYMAN INSTITUTE and heed to this post and you’ll be schmoozing with eternal beings better than ever before. And remember: immortal doesn’t have to mean immature. Good luck!