After finishing Dr. Alex Schiller’s (not a real doctor) book, Never Sleep Alone (NSA) I was curious if her nine principles are as easy and applicable as she make them seem.
So here I am living in one of America’s best cities thinking, ‘Why not give this funny experiment a try,’ since I’m also single.
The most important lesson I learned while reading her book is to expect less – easier said than done, especially as a woman – because high expectations lead to disappointment and according to Dr. Schiller, men and women alike get this so called “Needy-look” when expecting too much while being out, which is a total turn-off. Secondly, don’t just wear clothes, but wear a costume. No, she doesn’t mean to dress up as someone else but try and make an effort to look good when leaving the house. Thirdly, leave your phone and/or any other electronic devices at home or at least leave them in your purse turned off.
So on a sunny Sunday I decided to grab my study books, make an effort in my appearance and go to San Francisco’s energetic Haight-Ashbury district to find a café I’ve never been to, to study and well…. try the NSA principles out.
It took some strength to not check my phone, Facebook, etc. all the time but I managed it. I studied, had several coffees and that’s it. Nothing happened. Was I disappointed? No, because I tried to have no expectations and was sure no Mr. McHottie comes in and sweeps me off my feet just because I decided to leave the house today. Two hours later I packed up to have some dinner. Again, I left my phone in my purse and sat there smiling, waiting on my food.
While I was waiting, several people came and left, smiling or just looking at me but as soon as my food arrived I was sort of occupied, minding my own business until I heard, “Are those seats taken?” Looking up I see a cute guy standing in front of my table smiling brightly, waiting for an answer. I managed to shake my head no (yeah that’s about it, not very impressive) indicating the seats are free next to me. So he sits next to me and looks at my plate – he’s still smiling by the way- and asks me what I’m eating. So I tell him and that’s all the ice-breaker we needed.
After fifteen minutes I asked if he’d like to join me for dinner at my table and we continued our light-hearted but fun conversation even after dinner by having some beers, which he invited me to, in a nearby bar.
I recalled Dr. Schiller’s third principle, LT3 = Less Than 3: to reply in a conversation with three sentences only and always end my responses by asking that person another question. And it does work. As a woman I, too, tend to talk too much and thought, this time less is more. Obviously it worked, Miguel was very intrigued and his smile definitely didn’t disappear.
Not once did I pull out my phone, not even when he asked me for my number. It was a fun experience because I didn’t expect to actually meet someone. I could have had luck, the right timing, or Dr. Schiller’s principles do indeed work. I can’t say for sure. All I know is that her book is a fun and entertaining read and no matter if you’re a man or woman, it has some great recommendations in it if you’d like to find The One.
By the way, one week has passed now and Miguel and I are still in touch…. best decision ever to leave the house on that Sunday!