2014, please turn down that light! It’s too bright and we’re not ready to get up yet!

You see, last night we were hanging out with your cousin, 2013, because it was their last night in town. And now you’re all up in our faces with your promise of a Brand New Year, and Things To Do, and Resolutions For a Better You–and it sounds great, really it does!–but we need to cure this little hangover first. Then we can get down to business.

So give us a moment while we…

Find some bubbly water–it’s the only way to rehydrate now that we’ve dehydrated ourselves. If we had drank water instead of beer…and vodka…and Malibu bay breezes all last night, we would probably look more like this guy.

Order up something wonderful and greasy, like this 84-egg sandwich from the folks at Epic Meal Time:

And since we’re fans of the “hair of the dog” theory, perhaps we’ll go for the Epic Meal Time booze breakfast as well:

And when that all seems too ambitious, we’re just going to order some takeout miso soup. It’s good enough for this cute kid, which is about the level we’re at right now neurologically.

So, 2014, tomorrow. Tomorrow we’ll all be friends, and be ready to Improve Ourselves and Tackle The New Year. Right now we’re going to just snuggle up close with our cats, heal, nap, cat nap, watch our cats cat nap, and hope to the heavens that nobody’s cell phone cameras were operational last night.

Until then.