Last night on Nashville…everybody canoodled with everybody else.

OK, there was some minor plot advancement, but seriously, it was mostly banging. Here are the couples who got frisky this week:

Deacon & Lady Lawyer: She takes him to a charity polo match, where he feels out of place but hangs with her Lady Lawyer Colleagues OK. They see Rayna there (she came with Tandy, hoping to scare up new investors in her label now that Daddy’s money’s frozen by the feds), and when they leave Deacon’s all, “You shouldn’t feel threatened by her.” Lady Lawyer’s all “Duh, totes not threatened, didn’t you notice?” He’s like, oh hey, you weren’t, awesome…and then they Git It On.

Rayna & Luke Wheeler: Rayna strikes out, investor-wise, at the polo match, but she does flirt a little with Luke Wheeler (revealed via exposition as amicably divorced) and gets him to come check out Scarlett, who’s singing for critics at the Bluebird that night, as a possible opener for his tour. He does come, and agrees to take Scarlett on the road, but then plants a smacker on Rayna and hopes she’ll open for him as well, if you know what I mean. (Ew. He was not as gross as I just was. Sorry, y’all.)

Scarlett & Avery: Scarlett is freaking out over singing in front of critics, and her general career stuff, and comes to Avery to talk it out. He is playing the Mr. Sensitive card super super hard, and basically talks about how he wasn’t mature enough to handle his big break when it came, and if he had “things” to do over again, he would do them very differently (said with significant, puppy-dog look at Scarlett). She melts, there’s smooching, and then heyo! We’re in the bedroom. Scarlett leaves to prep for her show, which Avery will attend.

Gunnar & Zoe: Zoe opens the show with a whole big “I am a terrible slutty friend who broke the girl code by sleeping with her bestie’s ex and this can never happen again” speech to Gunnar, who disagrees, but cannot muster an argument in the face of Zoe’s mania. But cut to the Bluebird, where Scarlett tells Zoe that she slept with Avery, and Zoe’s all, “Well damn, if girlfriend’s moved on, so can I!” and tells Gunnar she takes it all back. I do not care about this couple.

Sketchy Teddy & Fake Preggo Peggo: Teddy is avoiding Rayna at the polo match, while giving a press conference announcing a new music festival in Nashville. (I kind of assumed that every day in Nashville was a music festival.) The reporters ask about his new ladyfriend, and he answers that yes, he and FPP are getting married, and it’s none of the people’s business. There’s some trying to tar him with Lamar’s wrongdoing, but he sidesteps pretty ably. He’s become quite the politician, hasn’t he?

and of course I saved the best for last…

Juliette & Married Millionaire Charlie: Oh, yes, he’s back. And of course he’s intrigued because she sent back his expensive car. (Weird, you mean the self-made millionaire pop star isn’t impressed when a guy tries to buy her?) Juliette is invited to the charity polo match, and thinks it’s a sign that Old Money Nashville is finally ready to welcome her, so she puts on her cutest little fascinator and goes. But of course, it was MMC who invited her, so he can hit on her some more. At first she’s all, take a hike, rich boy, but he’s determined to show her he’s a man of the people. After inviting her back to the stables so she can see that he takes care of his own polo ponies, he gives his stable manager a guitar and they have a good ol’ singalong of a Juliette song. A veritable hootenanny.

Back in the charity tent, Juliette overhears an argument between MMC and his wife that paints her in kind of a bitchy light–she tells him she’s taking the jet and he can find his own way home. Juliette leaves, but not before being buttonholed by Sketchy Teddy about the planned music festival, and MMC suggests that she should be its public face. So she comes to MMC’s hotel that night and says, “We will ‘plan the festival together’ for six weeks, and then that’s IT.” He agrees, and they go up to his hotel room to begin “planning.” But oh-oh! Who had a change of heart and is letting herself into that very same room right now? Mrs. MMC! And yes, she sees allllll of Juliette’s “plans,” if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Just goes to show you that singing is safer than sex. Until next week, y’all!