It’s New York Comic Con week here at XOXOAD! We love all the cosplay, the announcements about hot new shows/movies, and most of all, the books! Today we’re happy to have a guest post from Molly Harper, author of multiple humorous paranormal romances, and a fan of jiu jitsu, vampires, and comic books. Today, Molly provides a public service…if you’re thinking of dating a superhero:
Most superheroes do not make great boyfriends. The events that create superheroes – loss of parent figures, bullying, exposure to radioactive waste – also create emotional trauma and commitment phobia. That is not how you would describe a guy who always remembers Date Night.
On a scale of one to ten, here’s how some of our favorites rank:
Superman: Sure, he’s always preaching truth, justice and the American way, but you met him as his alter ego, which is more than a little hypocritical. Also, his alter ego is so flimsy, he honestly expects you not to recognize him when he slides on a pair of pharmacy reading glasses. It doesn’t say much for what he thinks of your intelligence. Then again, if you got married, your inlaws would be recorded holograms and its very difficult to be criticized by a recorded hologram. So it’s a wash, really. 5
Captain America: He’s ripped, has beautiful old-fashioned manners while respecting a woman with a sound right hook, and your mom will love him. The only drawback would be that he might wonder whether you would be attracted to him in his weaker pre-Serum form. Trust me, that is not a “post-coital honesty game” question you want to answer. 9
Green Arrow: He ranks high, but mostly by comparison. He seems to manage the whole “billionaire playboy by day, vigilante by night” thing with a bit more grace than Bruce Wayne. Plus, unlike Hawkeye, he pulls off the “archer hero” act without the baggage of a tragic carnival folk backstory. And you really don’t want to date the guy just because he’s a better option someone else, do you? 6
Wolverine: OK, yes, as his girlfriend, you could ask him to burst out of your bathtub shirtless over and over to recreate the tank scene from the movie. But Wolverine has equal parts origin PTSD, wanderlust and commitment phobia due to all of his girlfriends incinerating and/or dying of old age while he stays forever young. Also, every time he has a nightmare, you end up a pin cushion. 3
Batman: Has the bad superhero boyfriend trifecta – childhood abandonment issues, the old “I have a hard time trusting women because my last girlfriend was Catwoman” excuse, and all of his girlfriends eventually get kidnapped and blown up. 4
Come to think of it, maybe we would be better off dating super-villains. At least they’re upfront about their issues.
Thanks, Molly! And for all of you out looking for that special someone at NYCC this week, you might want to print this out and keep it in your purse/lightsaber holster/TARDIS.
Molly Harper is the author of the Half Moon Hollow series of vampire romances, the Naked Werewolf series of (duh) werewolf romances, and the Bluegrass series of contemporary romances. And note that the ebook of The Care & Feeding of Stray Vampires (below) is only $1.99 this month!