Ho, ho, ho!

What? I’m not accusing anyone–I’m just quoting Santa, who made a guest appearance on the Bachelor finale last night! Guess he has a lot of time on his hands in March.

Anyway, here we are, at the end of the road, finally waiting for Nick to get down on one knee and NOT be dumped. Does it finally happen? Will he get his happily ever after (or at least until he’s kicked off Dancing with the Stars)?

In lieu of a regular recap, I thought I’d convey the action in a series of polls–let’s see if this season was as predictable as it felt! First, for those of you who haven’t actually watched the episode (or the entire season):

 

So:

Finland. Snow. Reindeer. Skating. Horseback riding. Santa (ish). Cozy fires. Smooching.

OK, that’s basically the final two dates. Plus, the ladies got to meet (or in Raven’s case, meet again) Nick’s family, about 7 of whom were all flown to Finland! Raven’s visit went cheerfully and smoothly, while Vanessa’s was more emotional. In her conversation with Nick’s dad, they both broke down and cried.

 

After spending a final day with each lady, Nick gets a visit from Neil Lane (also flown all the way to Finland), who shows Nick two rings that he says are the largest and most romantic he’s ever designed. They both look basically the same–giant diamonds surrounded by smaller diamonds. (Google “Bachelor engagement rings” and you’ll soon discover that all these rings look more or less the same. And since the Bachelorette has to return the ring if they break up before a certain time, I assume Neil’s just reusing the same one.)

As Nick ponders, he’s basically wrestling with the sense that Raven’s the uncomplicated choice, and Vanessa’s the more substantive lady. Life with Raven would be fun and easy–she seems perfectly content to wave goodbye to Hoxie, AR in the rearview mirror–while Vanessa has an actual life in Montreal with which she is quite content. She’s actually asking the kind of questions real fiancee-candidates should ask, like, “Why are we assuming I’LL do the compromising and move to the U.S.?” But we know how Nick feels about difficult conversations…

Finally it’s time to choose. The ladies primp and preen, and the wardrobe department seems to be pushing for a Raven win: she’s in a floor-length sleeveless silver gown with a ton of beading, and a lush black velvet cloak over it to keep her from freezing to death. She’s our Snow White. Vanessa is in all-black with sequins that make her look like she’s wearing liquid latex. It seems elegant at first, until you notice the side cutouts (trashy). She tops off her spaghetti straps with a black fur bolero. She’s our Maleficent.

But who gets out of the car first (the sure reveal that they’re NOT winning this game)?

silver-raven
(via Hollywoodlife.com)

Sorry, Raven. But enjoy Bachelor in Paradise! (Yes, of course she’s going there next. If only to warm up after Finland.)

Now we know, and the remaining “suspense” is all about whether Vanessa will accept Nick’s proposal or not. She’s been very vocally “having doubts” in these last 24 hours. But happily for all (for now), those doubts are allayed with the help of a $100,000 ring. She says yes!


But for now, Nick and Vanessa live happily ever after. Best of luck, eh? I just have one last question…

 


Love you crazy Bach fans! See you in a couple of months for Rachel’s groundbreaking Bachelorette season…until then, I give you all my final rose.