Author Gabra Zackman returns to recap the most important cultural program of our time, The Bachelorette! Will JoJo find love, or is it possible that a six-week reality show isn’t actually the most effective way to select a life mate?
The previews alone are reason to watch this episode: it promises love, challenge, heartbreak and joy. What could be better? #buckleyourseatbelts
CHASE ME TO HIGHLANDS RANCH
We begin with Chase, in Highlands Ranch. Having spent some time living in Colorado, I can honestly say that Highlands Ranch is both beautiful and wealthy: a truly sweet place to have a man come from.
We start with Chase and Jojo on a blanket overlooking the mountains. Chase opens up about his family, about the bad divorce his parents had. “It’s been heavy on my shoulders,” he says. “But I’m trying as hard as I can to express everything I want for you.”
They share a lovely kiss. That’s number 1. It looks like a really sexy kiss, too.
They walk into his beautiful house. He’s worried about introducing her to his parents separately. His dad surprises Jojo by showing up for his meeting with her at Chase’s house. They chill on the couch. Chase really puts it to his dad. I have to say this is a very meaningful exchange: “Learn from the old man’s mistakes,” his dad says. I have to admit it—his dad has made me tear up! Good LAWRD.
They kiss again, briefly, in front of his dad. Number 2. Then Chase gets to have a private chat with his dad while Jojo takes a walk. “What if it’s not you?” his dad asks. “I’m not going to deal with the what ifs, dad,” he replies simply. “I’m jumping in.”
Again, this relationship between Chase and his dad is making this here blogger quite a bit verklempt.
Later on, she meets the whole fam. His mom, siblings, babies. The full nine yards. His mom is GORGEOUS. Well done, Mom! Jojo goes for a private chat with her. Jojo brings up Chase’s reticence with his feelings. His mom brings up the divorce, and how well her son has evolved.
Chase and his sister break it down. Again with the divorce. But the sister agrees: regarding the L bomb, “This is something we don’t say easily.” For them, they agree, it’s much more than a word.
Chase and his mom have time to chat. He looks into her eyes and starts to tear up. So does she. “Do you think you would be ready to propose?” she asks him. “Yeah,” he says, wiping a tear away, “there’s no doubt in my mind.”
Chase and Jojo share a lovely kiss goodnight. “I’m falling in love with you, Jojo,” he says.
“You don’t say things like that,” she says, “so I know it’s true.” They kiss again. And again. That’s 4 and 5. And 6.
This blogger is now squarely on #teamchase.
JORDAN: CHICK-O, CA
We start in fields surrounded by deer in Chico, CA. Jordan and Jojo meet with a kiss. That’s number 7.
He takes her to his high school where their names are on the light up board out front. He embraces his JV football coach, chats with teachers. He’s openly, easily in love with her. (This blogger is not so into him.)
They make out in the stacks. Number 8.
They walk into a classroom and find some pictures of Jordan, old pics of his sweet babyface. His famous bro, Aaron Rodgers, is brought up and Jordan brushes it off. It’s clearly a tough subject. Jojo wonders where things went wrong.
“Is this something we don’t talk about?” she asks him. He tries to blow it off.
HOME FOR DINNER
Jojo is terribly nervous. She goes to dinner with his mom, dad, older brother and his girlfriend. His mom tells a story about Jordan running away as a kid. Jojo feels very comfortable with his family. But the specter of his missing brother is very present. Jojo brings up Aaron with his other brother, Luke. His brother looks very uncomfortable and says, “It’s something we don’t talk about a whole lot… I’m impressed Jordan shared those things with you.”
Then Jordan chats with his brother. “Are you really ready to be engaged to someone?”
“Yeah,” Jordan says enthusiastically.
“Well,” Luke says with a smile, “If this is the girl who’s going to make you happy, then hell yeah.”
Jojo chats with Jordan’s dad. “I know this is an untraditional way of dating,” she smiles charmingly at him. “How do you feel about all this?” Dad seems perfectly content to roll with all the punches.
Then Jordan talks with his mom. His mom is beautiful, too, but feels just a bit “Stepford wife.” Maybe it’s just California? She’s also totally on board.
They’ve had a great night. Jordan is ALL IN. But then Jojo says… “I’m so scared if this is you and I at the end of this… will you want it to be forever?”
“Im really scared,” Jojo tells us.
Then they kiss a bit. Number 9. He is unflinchingly, unwaveringly, totally all on board.
ROBBIE: A DANDY IN ST AUGUSTINE, FL
They meet in the middle of the town square, and immediately they take a tour of the town by carriage. She is totally romanced by this ride. This blogger is not. [Ed. note: Plus, the driver careened around the corner to pick them up like he was working with way more than 1 horsepower.]
They chat and kiss a bit. Then grab cocktails. He was the first to say he loved her and it strengthened her feelings for him. But she still wonders about his past relationship and if it is really over. “I want to be honest with you,” she says. “I would hate to fall madly in love with you and find that this past chapter is not over…. I want to make sure that is over.”
“It’s very much a part of my past,” he says.
She basically asks him if it’s a rebound. “You’re everything,” he says. “That’s in my past and it’s staying there.”
They kiss a bit. Let’s give this number 10. “I can’t imagine anything that could go wrong,” he says as they walk away and we fade to commercial. OSCAR, once again, to our editors.
PARTY IN JACKSONVILLE
They arrive, very excited, laden with flower and packages, to meet his family. His mom,“Call me Coach” Dad, and siblings.
They tell his family all about their romance. It’s a loud, party-filled room. His mom is sold on Jojo from moment one.
Robbie goes to chat with his brothers. This is very charming. I’ll take the brothers. They’re #adorbs. This is deep and open chat amongst three men. Do they usually talk this way? ENQUIRING BLOGGERS WANT TO KNOW.
Jojo chats with Robbie’s mom. “Is there anything about Robbie that you would have questions about?”
Jojo asks about the ex: “Is he ready to be engaged?” The mom says yes and Jojo says she’s falling in love with him. To MOM. #egads. And also… #notthisbloggerschoice
Robbie and his mom break it down. She reveals that his ex’s roommate is being very public with false gossip that Robbie broke it off with his ex to go on the show. Robbie gets upset… he is visibly thrown off. “It sucks,” he says, “because I’m in love with Jojo… and if this is the chink in the armor that doesn’t make this work… I’m gonna be heartbroken.”
He interrupts a conversation Jojo is having with… his sisters? Two random chicks?? …to talk about the gossip. He tells Jojo the news. She is shocked and tries to ferret out the truth saying, “What would be the benefit of your ex’s roommate saying stuff if it’s not true?” [Ed. note: Um, to be talked about on TV, duh.]
“It scares me,” Jojo says. “It’s hard for me to just trust you. Is there any truth to what’s being said?” She really puts it to him. “Just tell me now,” she says. “If you’ve been off and on. Just tell me.” Cut to commercial. TONY to the editors.
Jojo has been really thrown. “Just tell me now,” she says again.
“I will tell you right now, that’s not true by any means.” He goes deeper into the end of his last relationship. “We haven’t talked since we broke up. The relationship is over.”
“What if it’s not,” she says. “What if we come to the end of this and it’s still about your ex?”
“I think it’s just a flash in the pan,” he says.
She’s clearly rattled and won’t let it go. “I just want to be happy,” he opines, “and for the first time in a while I’ve been happy with you.”
To be honest, I think Jojo is a bit tipsy. And she clearly wants him to be telling the truth. They share a deep kiss of promise. That’s 11. But she’s into him. She trusts him. She feels so strongly about him.
They close the night under an umbrella in the rain. Perfect metaphor. They kiss again. That’s 12.
“If this ends with her going for one of these other three guys…I’ll be heartbroken,” he tells us. Close up on umbrella in the rain. PEOPLE’S CHOICE to the editors.
LUKE: HOME ON THE RANGE
We are in Burnett, TX. He’s walking bowlegged in a plaid shirt and jeans, she’s in jean shorts and cowboy boots that he bought her.
She sees glimpses of his emotional side, she wants to see more. They kiss on a park bench. That’s 13.
He’s driving her in his truck. #hotasrocks [Ed. note: Co-signed.]
They turn on to a dirt road. “Why are there so many cars?” she asks repeatedly. “Why are there so many people here?” She’s meeting the whole fam plus fifteen of his closest friends at an outdoor barbecue. It’s a huge party. They all shmooze. It looks like a Texas-style blast.
Luke breaks it down with his mom. She’s totally impressed and on board. Then he has a private chat with his dad. “My first impression is great,” he says. They have a very sweet conversation. I dig his parents. Very down to earth. I like Chase and Luke so much and don’t like the others so much. It’s my fear she’ll dump the awesome ones and wind up with the shysters.
This is a dear conversation with Luke and his dad. “My mind always goes back to how happy I am that you served our country,” his dad said, “that you did it so well, and that you came back.” He tears up. So do I. LAWS A MIGHTY! CAN I GET SOME MORE TISSUES? CAN I GET AN AMEN??? At this point, this blogger is buying stock in Kleenex.
THE ROAD TO HIS HEART
The immediate family has some barbecue. Jojo is suitably impressed. They head out to a surprise. This was a lovely afternoon. This blogger thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon as well.
They get on horses and ride out to a mirage in the midst of the Texas fields. They sit on bales of hay. “There’s more we need to talk about,” she tells us directly.
“Having you here, this is a great daydream,” he says.
“I want this future” he says looking into her eyes. “I want us.” They make out as the sun sets behind them. That’s 14.
“Thank you for such a good day,” she says, crying. “I just wish I had more time with you.”
“I’ve got one more surprise for you,” he says. “I’m falling in love with her,” he tells us, “and I’ve got to tell her.”
They walk through candles to a heart of flowers marked in the grass. “I want you to know that my heart is yours and my heart is out there for you. All of it.” Music swells in the background as they kiss. That’s 15. They’re emotional, the song is emotional, this blogger is emotional. The song fades as he walks her to the car. “I’ll be the man that you hope I can be,” the song croons as the car pulls away and the sun fades. EMMY to the editors.
They’re at an airport hangar, ready for the winners to take off into the night sky. The gents arrive, nervous and excited. Jojo arrives in a wildly sexy cobalt blue shiny evening gown, cleavage for days. She doesn’t know what to do… she’s weeping to us about her confusion. “I think I need to say goodbye to Luke,” she tells us. This blogger now wants to die.
BUT BEFORE SHE BEGINS, rose in hand… Luke breaks the moment. “Jojo, can I talk to you for a sec?”
“After you left the other night,” he says, holding her hands, “I’ve been thinking since that moment…I told you at the end of the night that my heart is yours… but I needed to tell you that I’m in love with you. I didn’t get to tell you that the other night, and it’s been on my mind since then. I don’t know how you left that night or what you felt…”
This blogger visibly swoons.
“Thank you for telling me that,” she says tearfully. “The one thing you’ve been needing to tell me is the one thing I’ve needed to hear.” He goes back and she takes a moment alone… she’s crying and can’t figure out what to do.
“In my entire life of dating I’ve never found one guy to make me happy like this, let alone four… I feel so out of control… what if I make a mistake? That scares me.” She walks off weeping, alone on the tarmac. “What do I do?” she asks.
“TO BE CONTINUED” flashes upon the screen.
SAG AWARD to the editors!
Next week… a double week of fun, hijinks and madness. Join us then…
This episode: (15)
Kisses since episode 2: (66)
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