The Kardashian Kliff Notes You Didn’t Know You Needed

Whether you love them or hate them, the Kardashians are unavoidable, and to be honest, their rise to pseudo American/Armenian royalty is interesting and confusing.

It took me a very long time to figure out which was Kendall and which was Kylie, which sister was beefing with which B-list celebrity and what relationship was still on or still definitely off.  Luckily, Ian Halperin has just released Kardashian Dynasty, which addresses these questions as well as some of their more controversial power moves.

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Here’s a quick status update–the Kliff Notes, if you will–of each Kardashian so that you’re up to date for when KUWTK comes back on E! this Sunday.

Kris Jenner – Mother Supreme:

  • Still dating Korey (with a K?), the younger man she met through maybe Justin Bieber
  • Still micromanaging all of her daughters
  • Was recently made fun of by Blob (see below) for the items she filled Rob’s pantry with
  • Relationship with Caitlin is questionable and probably publicity driven

Kourtney Kardashian – The cool sister who eats weird sh*t:

  • Still eating weird avocado drinks in the morning
  • Has 3 very cute babies: Mason, Penelope (P) and Reign
  • Not getting back together with Lord Scott Disick (any time soon)
  • Still somehow running his life and picking out all the furniture for his new home

Kimberly (that’s her full name FYI) Kardashian West:

  • Still married to Kanye
  • Just gave birth to a son Saint and is quickly working off her baby weight and shutting down the haters while she’s at it
  • Just discovered Snapchat and North was not a fan

Khloe Kardashian:

  • Became a gym rat and has now shrunk to Bratz doll size
  • Recently released a new book… Naked Strong? Something about being Naked
  • Is maybe still married to Lamar aka Lammy but keeps sending out long cryptic Instagram messages about letting people go…

Rob Kardashian:

  • Currently dating Blac Chyna
  • Still a recluse
  • Still pursuing a sock line
  • Apparently terrible at giving gifts because he gets caught red handed regifting his xmas gift from Kendall

Kendall Jenner

  • Taking over the world and being a kick ass model
  • Besties with Gigi Hadid and the other tall model with a K… (thinking…) Karlie!
  • Maybe dating on-again off-again hook up Harry Styles
  • Blowing up Kylie’s spot with this amazing Instagram post

Kylie Jenner

  • Still dating Tyga although reports claim he continues to cheat on her
  • Claims she made Wigs a thing (wow)
  • Queen of Snapchat
  • Releasing – and selling out – her Kylie lip kits

Honorable mentions:

Caitlyn Jenner – is still being Cait and a Republican.  Does anyone even watch that show anymore?

Lord Disick – hanging out with Kendall Jenner look-alikes apparently

Kanye West – dropped Pablo and a new fashion line – is still making a fool of himself when it comes to Taylor Swift

Recently the big news has been Rob, the only son, dating Blac Chyna.  Luckily The Levine Machine @Eitanthegoalie has broken down what would happen if Rob and Blac Chyna were married AND Kylie and Tyga were married. Thanks for this amazing graphic breakdown!

 

Thank you to The Levine Machine @Eitanthegoalie for this amazing breakdown!

 

For more dishy secrets on the Kardashians, make sure to check out Kardashian Dynasty.

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Kardashian Dynasty

Kardashian Dynasty

Ian Halperin

#1 New York Times bestselling author and investigator Ian Halperin pulls back the curtain on America’s notorious Kardashian family—exposing their shaky foundation for fame—one shocking revelation at a time.

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