What Really Happens at Hunk-O-Mania

One XOXOAfterDark employee makes her first trip to a male strip club, for a bachelorette party, and lives to tell the tale!  Read about her experience and leave your own in the comment section below! Apologies for the poor picture quality, as you can tell it was not a well lit room.


Let me just start by saying that even though I’m almost 30 and have been to a few bachelorette parties, I have not been to a strip club before this weekend.  Crazy right?  That being said, I tried to walk into Hunk-O-Mania with an open mind – and not an open wallet. This kind of thing generally makes me cringe and giggle with embarassment, not for me, but for them.

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When you think of a male strip club/male revue you immediately think of Magic Mike – which is pretty much exactly right. We had booked VIP tickets so that we would have “prime” seating but really every seat was prime seating.

Luckily for us there was drag queen lip sync pre-show, which was probably the best part of the night.  3 performers – 6 divas.  We were graced with the presences of Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Liza Mineli, Taylor Swift, Whitney Houston (back from the grave) and Nicki Minaj.  Nicki killed it and made us really want to go to Karaoke afterward.  It seemed a bit out of place but was a lot of fun!

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Eventually they moved us into the main stage area.  The room is set up with a few tables at the front, a few rows of chairs in the middle and couches along the sides.  We had barely sat down when a half naked muscular man came over to someone in my group offering a lap dance.  We politely declined, it was early after all, but continued to watch the women around us get their dances.  You would think that they would take you else where, but no, it happens right in your chair with the stripper’s legs rubbing up against your neighbor’s.  Or… it’s happening to a woman behind you and then boom, butt in your face. I sat with my hands on my lap and my eyes forward the rest of the night.  I guess I thought they would warm up to this and it would happen later in the night, but I’m not really sure what I was thinking.

After a round of lap dances the MC gets on stage and announces that the first set will be starting after the 4 lucky ladies can make their way to the stage for their “hot seat” dances.  How Magic Mike XXL of them! Once the ladies are up on stage, with a vast array of white dresses, penis hats and flashing necklaces, the men are announced.  Some names include: GQ, EJ, Constantine and Dino to name a few.  Surprise! You have 69 seconds to run up on stage and decorate your bachelorette with as many $$$ bills as possible.  I kid you not the MC literally said, “the more dollar bills, the more penis!” He sits on a throne of lies – no one got naked. False advertising, moving on.

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To put it bluntly, a few of the men come out on stage and perform a poorly executed dance and then the main dancer stays up on stage to do a solo dance and give each of the hot seat ladies their minute of attention. Although some of the dancers are okay, they really aren’t very good but have pretty amazing bodies. Each set is themed with all your favorites:

  • Men in Uniform set to “proud to be an American” – could they find a less attractive song to dance to?
  • Magic Mike – they claimed the movie borrowed it from their show and the dancer recreates Channing Tatum’s Pony dance… and it was almost as amazing.
  • Hot Cop – a giant muscular man in a blue tasseled sock.  He lifted a lot of people up and basically had gladiator sandals running down his giant thighs.  Also when he came around later I noticed that he had fake dollar bills in his strings.  Why use fake money?
  • Only the hat? – I’m not really sure the point but basically he’s supposed to strip down to just his hat but really he’s just in a weird skin colored banana hammock
  • and another dancer that I can’t quite recall!

In between each set they send the men out into the audience to offer lap dances but it honestly just looks and feels like when you walk down the street and someone is trying to get you to sign up for something you absolutely don’t want to sign up for.  They just go from person to person and sometimes they get lucky but mostly they just get an awkward “no thank you I’m…” mumbled apology.  At one point I wasn’t paying attention and accidentally not once, but twice, tripped a “doctor.”  I was obviously embarrassed and turned away only find out that he was right in front of me.  He said “you’ve got my attention,” grabbed my hand and put it on his chest.  Mortified I maybe, sort of, unnecessarily screamed, “I don’t want it! No thank you!” I’m the worst.

Overall the night was more fun than I would have thought and there are some images that can never be unseen.  It is definitely an experience worth sharing with friends at least once.  You absolutely don’t have to participate and they’re surprisingly not very pushy.  If you say no, they don’t really bother you.  Body language goes a long way at Hunk-O-Mania.

I’ll leave you with a list of a few things I saw and please, please share your stories in the comments section.  I know I’m not the only one!

These can’t be unseen:

  • A dancer picked up a woman with her back to the ceiling, wrapped her legs behind him and then hoisted her up swinging her around like Superman, while the classic Soulja Boy song containing the lyrics “Superman that ho” played
  • A drink server asked for tips by holding out his underware, away from his body and uttering the phrase “Tips go in deeper”
  • A woman alllllllmost kissed a dancer and then was escorted into a backroom.  Where did she go? The cave of wonders perhaps?
  • A woman was hoisted in the air by a dancer with her legs around his neck – I have photo evidence of that below!
  • What might be the most alarming  I saw was when a dancer in a “sock” had a hot seat woman kneel on the ground while he stood behind her, gently raised his member, and then, let it fall where it may… which happened to be her head. Yeah, that happened.

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Thank you Hunk-O-Mania, my life has been changed forever.

 

 

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4 comments so far


  1. Ha… You sit on a web of lies!! Very good story… I’ve never been to one of these but I’m pretty sure I’ll be taking a pass and living vicariously through the stories of others… 😉

  2. kimbacaffeinate

    The things unseen are hilarious!

  3. nataliemiller

    I think I need to check this place out 😉

  4. This is one funny post! Luckily I never experienced anything like that seeing the Chippendales or Thunder from Down Under.
    But I think I give Hunk-O-Mania a pass – no thanks 😉

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