Tips to get in the rumpus-bumpkus mood

National bestselling, award-winning author Lisa Cach stopped by XOXOAD to share her tips on getting out of the sexy slump and getting in the mood! Keep reading below to find out ways to turn it up a notch, and don’t forget to pre-order the fourth installment in her super-sexy 1,001 Erotic Nights series, WARLORD’S CAPTIVE, on sale Monday!


Do you ever get that feeling that you want to be horny and lustful, but just don’t have the energy? Your body feels dead to the world of pleasure, and the idea of fooling around exhausts you… and yet, you want to want it. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is flopped on the couch watching “Cupcake Wars.”

When one wants to get in the mood for a bit of rumpus-bumpkus, there are a few shortcuts I’ve found that can come in handy.

The first is doing an image search online for creative sex acts. You don’t even have to click on the pictures to see more than you need to get yourself going. And Bing has gif animations in the search results! Hover your cursor over one of those (oh gracious, that sounds naughty – ‘hover your cursor over it’ – though everything does sound sexual when you’re thinking that way), and you’re off to the races.

The second road to Raunchyville is to read a juicy, kinky, perverted and over-the-top book. My all-time favorite was written in 1748, which means I can pretend I’m reading classical Lit-er-a-ture (capital L, and draw out the word while you say it, please) when really I’m reading the most-banned book of all time.

What book is that, Lisa? Do tell!

“Fanny Hill,” it’s called, by John Cleland, who wrote it while he was in debtor’s prison in London. It’s the cheerful tale of a country girl who becomes an eager prostitute, and it’s full of lurid encounters with a man’s “machine.” I’ve opened the book randomly and look what I’ve found:

Slipping then a pillow under me, that I might give him the fairest play, I guided officiously with my hand, this furious battering-ram, whose ruby head presenting nearest the resemblance of a heart, I applied to its proper mark, which lay as finely elevated as we could wish; my hips being born up, and my thighs at their utmost extension, the gleamy warmth that shot from it, made him feel that he was at the mouth of the indraught, and driving foreright, the powerfully divided lips of that pleasure-thirsty channel receiv’d him.

That’s all one sentence, mind you. The paragraph is two pages long. No modern writer can touch Mr. Cleland when it comes to purple prose. The book’s in the public domain, so you can download it for free onto your e-reader.

Old erotica in general, I find, is deeply kinky and arousing, focusing as much on the mental game as on the nuts and bolts. Look for stuff by that famous author, “Anonymous,” that was written before the 20th century; or if you want something more modern, read the erotic stories written by Anaïs Nin (“Delta of Venus” and “Little Birds”). That woman was not afraid to express thoughts that most of us would never allow to surface. Lovely writer, too, with no need for Mr. Cleland’s “extatic gush,” “balsamic injection,” and “plenteous bedewal of balmy sweets.”

Speaking of hidden thoughts, if you want non-fiction, the private fantasies that men and women describe in Nancy Friday’s books (such as “My Secret Garden” and “Men in Love”) are sure to get you going. You just have to ignore all the Freudian psychoanalyzing she does at the end of each chapter, which comes off as sadly out of date.

The third sure-fire technique for getting in the mood is to write a sex scene. I should know, right? My poor husband has been the recipient of texts such as, “Where ARE you? I’ve been working on this orgy chapter all day. Get. Home. Now.”

It can be a couple days’ work, writing a real thorough-going kink-fest sex scene, but you don’t need to do all that. Just sit down in front of your blank page and try to come up with the first few sentences. You’ll have to mentally run through the entire sexual act to do that, and you won’t get further than writing, “She put her hand….” before you realize that your body has other ideas about what it wants to do, than to sit in front of a keyboard.

Of the three approaches, reading might be best: it’s easier than writing, and has less risk of someone discovering your embarrassing online search history as looking at Bing gifs does. If “Fanny Hill” doesn’t sound like your thing, give my “1,001 Erotic Nights” series a try, starting with “Slave Girl” and going all the way through to “Warlord’s Captive.” You get kink and lust aplenty in a historical setting, but I promise that the only purple is on a Roman robe, not the prose.

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  1. Pingback: Will Nimia Become a Prisoner of Her Own Desire? | Jejee Blog

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