Romance can be hard. Ask any heroine! She’ll tell you that before she met Mr. Right, she had to sift through a mountain of bad prospects. Maybe he’s left her at the altar, maybe she was dating a boring man just to “get out there,” maybe her ex never believed in her or supported her dreams. Whatever it was, only the hero—and the heroine’s rising ability to believe in love and take care of herself, of course—can undo that bad mojo.

And since I’m the heroine of my real life-romance novel, I, too, have met some bad seeds in this bowl of apple cider. Named in Honor of the 20-Year Anniversary of Friends, here’s a round-up of some of the non-heroes I’ve come across in my search for love:

 

The One Who Threw a Temper Tantrum

 

The One Who Asked If I’d Pay for His Subway Ticket

 

The One Who Booty-Called at 5 a.m., Three Weeks After Our 1 Coffee Date

 

The One Who Asked Me to Edit His (Erotic, Autobiographical) Short Story

 

The One Who Used My Casual “Cheers!” as a Sign that “It Was ON.”

The One Who Said I Had “Birthing Hips”

 

The One Who Reappeared After Ghosting for 2 Months

 

The One Who Suggested a Threesome (with a Male Friend) While Still in the “Getting to Know You Via Chat” Phase

 

The One Who Talked Through the Entire Movie

 

The One Who Ordered More Drinks “To loosen you up,” After I Said “I’d like to go home, let’s get the check.”

 

The One Who Forced Bodily Contact Against My Will

 

I know I’m not the only one with these sorts of gems in my date-list. Share your horror stories below!