We pick up right where we left off last week, with Allison showing us the best way to clean a midsize sedan after you’ve tossed a murder victim in the back. It’s no surprise that Donnie sucks at this like he does everything else. Alison’s cleaned the whole car while Donnie’s just staring at the body in the garage and trying not to hurl. Eventually she helps him get Leekie rolled in plastic and tossed into their chest freezer. (Hiding bodies is the #3 use of most American chest freezers, as it turns out.)
Next up, a crossover with “Call the Midwife”! Oh, never mind–it’s just Helena being fertilized by Creepy Vet Cult Leader, in friendly-comfort mode. Helena’s relatively calm once he explains that she’s being reunited with “her babeez.”
Rachel and Delphine are having tea and attempting to take each other’s measure: after some cat-and-mouse, Rachel offers Delphine Leekie’s job, saying that she’s “uniquely qualified” to take the program in a “new direction.” Her first order of business is to trot straight off to Mrs. S’s hideout and beg Sarah for Kira’s bone marrow. Sarah’s pissed and suspicious, but Delphine says it’s the only way to save Cosima.
Speaking of whom, Cosima’s now conference-Skyping with Allison and Sarah. Awww, I miss them all together! Anyway, Donnie’s offscreen prompting Allison to ask what’s the word on Leekie–Cosima tells them the story is that he died on a private jet. Donnie’s relieved, and thinks they should dump the body in the lake and have done with it. Allison rolls her eyes and asks, “Have you ever seen Dexter? SCUBA divers find bodies all the time!” Thank god someone’s done their research. They decide to bury the body at home, under the concrete garage floor. And guess what–of course Allison is better at using a jackhammer than Donnie is.
At Creepy Cult Farms, they take Helena to the “family” day care. Good–maybe 27 kids can finally slow Helena down a little. Cut to Cult Daddy having a little heart-to-heart with Sketchy New Guy–he calls SNG out on having the hots for Gracie, but then gives his blessing…provided SNG is ready to marry our Grace and help her “bear fruit.” Ew.
Back at Mrs. S’s, Felix and Sarah are arguing about whether to offer Kira’s bone marrow–until Mrs. S points out that it’s actually Kira’s decision. I’m not sure that logic holds up in court, but it works for Sarah. After a poignant little chat, Kira volunteers to help Auntie Cosima. Mrs. S. seems to think it’s not a great decision, but makes the call anyway.
At the hospital, Sarah, Felix & Mrs. S. greet Delphine and two associates (geez, Delphine, could you have picked people who looked any more like hired killers?), and they’re ready to begin the procedure. Mrs. S. still doesn’t trust the Dyad crew, and refuses to let Delphine get any further than the waiting room.
Back at the lab, Cosima and Scott have been working to isolate the infertility gene, tappy tappy, something computers, poof! There’s a code, and Duncan has the key.
Allison and Donnie have made pretty good headway on their garage grave when the kids run in, to Allison’s horror. But they’re just there to say that “there’s a man to see them.” Oh, it’s Vic! He’s acting vaguely on-drugs and claims he needs to talk to Allison as part of their recovery. She is trying to throw him out, but can’t do it before Donnie acts super squirrelly and totally gives away the game. Vic leaves, and marches straight back to an unmarked van (and presumably Angie, for whom he was presumably wearing a wire).
The tour of Creepy Farms Kindercare is almost over! Helena’s enjoyed it, and the CV says, “Soon this room will be filled with YOUR babies too.” Helena seems pleased until one little girl reaches out to touch Helena’s curly blond hair–and is smacked for it by a strict day care lady. Helena slams the woman up against the wall and tells her, “There was woman in convent like you. Eef you touch her again, I gut you like a feesh.” Yeah, this woman should definitely be reproducing.
We’re at…Dyad, I guess? Or the world’s nicest and most un-sterile operating room? Wherever Kira’s getting her bone marrow drawn, anyway. She’s getting put under as Sarah whispers to her and then, weeping, wonders, “What kind of mother am I?” Delphine gleefully reassures her (because of course she only cares that her twin aims of saving Cosima and advancing her research are met–and why the hell is Delphine there when Mrs. S just told her to wait in the lobby?) that she’s the best mother, and the best sister.
Hmm, looks like either Vic didn’t stay in the van, or he’s come back. He’s hopping up and down, trying to see in the windows of the garage. They’re covered over with thick plastic, but it’s not opaque so I don’t know what Allison thinks that’ll do. She’s tidying and futzing with dirt, and Vic is distracted…enough to let Donnie get the drop on him and come up behind him with a gun! Wow, Donnie, you are improving! Donnie drags Vic into the garage and puts a gun to his head as he hangs him over the open grave and delivers his best “Imma fuck you up” speech. Even Allison buys it! It’s enough to get Vic to sing like a canary, and he reveals that there’s a cop outside, and it’s not official business. Donnie marches into the van with Vic and reads Angie the riot act. She tries the “this is official police business” but he calls bullshit on that and says, “Like Art? He got suspended for so much less than you’re doing. You are harassing my wife and family, and you will stay away or I’ll get you fired.” And then he takes a cell pic of Angie and Vic in the van before saying, “Have a shitty day!” Outside the van, he gives himself a well-deserved fist-pump. You earned it, Donnie! You earned it.
We’re in the Creepy Vet fertility barn, but our patient this time is none other than poor Gracie! Guess he didn’t want to wait around for SNG to get the job done. Now, as a fellow fertilized person, she gets to room with Helena! Yay! Helena’s all, “What’s up, girlfriend, why you buggin’? You like Mark, no?” Gracie gets the best Teenage Exasperation Eyeroll as she tells Helena that she’s been fertilized with Helena’s egg and her dad’s sperm, and doesn’t she listen to anything her dad says? Helena is forced to admit that she does not. And if I were Gracie, I would sleep with one eye open.
Oops, there was a short lab scene with Duncan but I missed it.
Mark has come to see Gracie, imploring her to eat. Helena is harassing him: “You love her like puppy, but you let him make her broodmare.” Mark insists the women don’t see it that way, right Gracie? Gracie has nothing to add.
Ooh, new lady! And it’s Michelle Forbes! So awesome. Anyway, she’s at Dyad to see the “bereft” Rachel and convey that she is skeptical of Leekie’s supposed demise. Oh, Forbes is top brass, Rachel’s higher-up, and is checking on the project. She’s particularly fascinated by Sarah, who managed to come as far as she did “as a product of chance” rather than Rachel, who’s been groomed for success her whole life. Is that a glimmer of sibling rivalry we’re seeing from Rachel?
After a shitty day like that, what’s a girl to do but retire to a secret viewing chamber and drink a martini while watching home movies of herself as a little girl? She has an excellent strong red lip, by the way, and it doesn’t stick to the martini glass. I wish I were half so put together. The film switches to P.I. shots of Sarah and Kira, and then Rachel calls someone because “she needs his expertise.”
Delphine is moving into Leekie’s old office, where Rachel is hovering until she gets a call from “Martin.” While Rachel’s back is turned, we see that up on the computer is the ID of that scary henchman who accompanied Delphine to the bone marrowing. “The asset is in play.” That can’t be good.
It’s late at night, and Helena has had enough of her country sojourn. She’s off to see her sestra…but Grace wakes up and wants to go with! They’re about to leave, when of course CV is in the doorway with a shotgun. CV lectures Gracie on her familial duty–he’s not mad, he’s just disappointed–and Helena steps up to say she’s not afraid of him. She should be, however, because he clubs her with his rifle butt and down she goes. He drags Gracie back into the prison stall by her hair–man, and her lips just healed from the last time!
CV stalks off, but Mark arrives just in time and protests. He’s pissed off that CV is fathering all the babies himself, and finds it gross that he’s inseminated his own daughter (as do we). This jibba jabba gives Helena time to jump up and choke CV, saying to the young couple, “Run!” They do.
Finally allowed to finish their home improvement project, Donnie and Allison finish smoothing cement over the garage floor. As Donnie carves a heart in the wet cement, Allison stares at him intensely. “I have never been more attracted to you.” Then as one, they say, “THE FREEZER,” and go at it right on top. I think those crazy kids are gonna work it out.
Helena still had a little work to do, as we discover when CV wakes up…secured to his insemination table, with Helena humming and mixing together an assortment of “babeez…horse babee…cow babee…” in a very big needle. Oh, I think CV is gonna feel more than just a little pinch. And the show doesn’t hold back–CV gets that very big needle up his very inappropriate hole, screaming as Helena grins. Cut to Helena in a cloak, climbing a hill against a dark sky and looking very Scarlett O’Hara. She pauses to look back upon Creepy Cult Farms…and the whole compound is now ablaze. (Sorry, other 27 kids in day care. Guess Helena’s one of those moms who only likes her own kids.)
Danger! Delphine runs to Sarah and says that Rachel’s compromised them, and Sarah goes bolting up to Kira’s room, where Felix is dozing. She wakes him and says they have to get Kira out of there, but while he’s still asking who-what-why, his phone rings and it’s…Sarah. Oopsie! Turns out our current Sarah is actually Rachel, abducting Kira after jamming a sedative into Felix’s neck! (Poor Felix. He probably would have had it easier living on the streets.)
Back in the hospital lobby, Sarah comes through again, shouting to Mrs. S. that the guy with them is a Dyad spy. But Mrs. S figures out right away that Sarah1 was Rachel, not Sarah…
In Cosima’s hospital room, Delphine is weeping at the foot of her bed, saying, “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
In a child’s pretty bedroom somewhere (Duncan’s old house?), Rachel is waiting for Kira to wake up. She does, and immediately asks for her mom and Mrs. S. But no such luck. Rachel introduces herself and tells Kira, “You may even grow to like it here. I did.” Eeeeeek!
Coming next week: recrimination! Fury! And in the end, Sarah’s “unconditional surrender.” Until then, keep those chest freezers empty!