With more than 250 videos and over 6 million YouTube subscribers, Epicmealtime is the number one online cooking show. And that’s simply because they make your wildest food dreams come true, and then eat them! After debuting in 2010 with their first meal, “The Worst Pizza Ever,” hosts and food masters Harley Morenstein and Josh Elkin went on to create cult classics such as the Turbaconepic and the fast food lasagna. Be sure to check out how they’ve taken on the culinary game by storm and changed all of the rules in their new book EPIC MEAL TIME.

And just to whet your appetite, candy bacon dropped by XOXOAD to tell us what it’s like to be part of an epic recipe!

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As I sat in a cooled, air-conditioned chamber I could feel myself starting to settle and get cozy. The scent of my skin was so intoxicating I was getting looks from everything in sight. I was over powering everything, even that bag of leftovers lost in the corner. I was being approached by food that I never thought I would be paired with. The sheen of my body was bouncing off different foods as if it was a sign that we should mate, however, I sat and pondered “How can I be together with that? Who would make my wildest fantasies and desires come true?”

Then, with a stretched out arm and a face full of hair, I was poached and thrown on a metal sheet. I was being undressed slowly at first, and then vigorously. Through my peripheral vision I could see something tanned and rough. I could smell something so intoxicating, so foreign to me that I was bursting in anticipation. I was being covered in a salty, yet sweet mixture. My skin was being massaged deep with a syrupy lubricant. My pores were being stuffed with a sugar mixture nothing like anything I have ever encountered. As this mixture was being lathered all over me I could start to feel myself getting drunk off the combined aroma of brown sugar and maple syrup. Sticking to me like honey, the maple syrup oozed down my body, completely engulfing me. The sugar, granular, was adhering to my flesh as if I was lying out on a beach. I can sense the heat. I can feel the fire. As I get hot I can feel myself start to perspire liquid gold.

Some time has elapsed; I have been flipped over, whipped down and then lathered up with flavor once again. How can it be possible that I am being taken care of so well? Who on earth would love me enough to manipulate me in so many positions? This is not love at first sight, this is love at first taste. I was in love with this. I was becoming addicted to this. I know that in a few minutes, I will be mating with these flavors, creating something so delectable, so seductive that it will be the base of so many peoples addiction, yet all I can think about is how I can be addicted to them. To so many I am taboo, yet the image of fantasy is all they see. I’m a glutton for pleasure. I’m candy bacon.

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Now that we’re all sufficiently hungry, tell us in the comments below what your favorite, off-the-wall indulgent food is! Post a comment to enter for your chance to win a copy of Epic Meal Time and comfy screen-printed t-shirt. There will be 3 lucky winners!

Contest is begins at 9:00 a.m. Tuesday, March 25th and ends at 9:00 a.m. on Tuesday, April 1st. Sorry, contest open to U.S. residents only. Please click here for complete contest rules.

Bacon Strips tee Culinary Gangster