This Thanksgiving weekend, we’re all going to give thanks for our family, our loved ones, and our existence on this wonderful earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah—that’s all very important, yes. But let’s all make sure that we do not forget one very specific Thanksgiving blessing: that we are in our own homes (or those of our loved ones), and not trapped in the Dollanganger mansion.

Picture it: 1979. Jewels and lavish dresses abound. The furniture is tasteful.  Wine and good times flow. Grandmother laughs. Mother smiles. And the children starve in the attic.

Having a hard time picturing that? (That’s probably for the best, really…) Well, have no fear: Lifetime is doing the picturing legwork for you! That’s right, this Thanksgiving what we’re really thankful for is that Lifetime has decided to create a new Flowers in the Attic movie. And it looks good.

Heather Graham plays Corrine Dollanganger. Ellen Burstyn plays the creepy grandmother (aka The Attic Keeper). That spooky, haunted daughter of Don Draper, Kiernan Shipka, plays Cathy. And Mason Dye plays Chris.

And it looks like some serious effort has been taken towards giving the disturbing classic some zest and atmosphere. Don’t take our word for it. Here. Take a look:

Yeah, Lifetime sure plucked Flowers right from the top shelf your mama hid it on and opened it wide open for you to see. And it sure looks like They. Did. Not. Hold. Back. (If you know what we mean.)

If you don’t know what we mean, read the dang book!

9781476775869_RFCIt looks like the movie’s going to do Ms. V.C. Andrews justice, but the original story is one of the more memorable things everyone’s ever read. (And yes, everyone has read it. You want to be part of Everyone, don’t you? Don’t you!)

Anyhow, our biggest Thanksgiving Thank You this year is to Lifetime. Thanks for reminding us all why our families are actually quite awesome, by way of negative contrast.

Airs 1/18/14. Gosh, we hope we can wait that long.

 

Update: Looks like the #BadGrandma from Flowers is getting her own building in NYC. Gosh, we really hope that she hasn’t moved from the Attic to a HighRise — that’s a lot of room to fill, if she’s going Flowers in the Rent-Subsidized High-Rise on us…

Flowers Billboard